Maybe Your Chronic Illness Is Your Super Power

For over a year, I've been hoping and praying for a miracle that would take my chronic illness away. Last Wednesday at an appointment with my wonderful specialist, I finally came to terms with the fact that my TMD isn't going anywhere.

My brain has been trying to come to grips with that for a while. It's been calling up every geeky movie reference it can to comfort me.

But this is the scene I've been thinking about over and over and over.  It's from "The Avengers"...

Tony Stark: You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel trying every second to claw it's way into my heart. This stops it. (Tony points to arc reactor embedded in his chest.) This little circle of light, it's part of me. Not just armor. It's a terrible privilege.

Bruce Banner: But you can control it.

Tony Stark: Because I learned how.

For the last year or so, I've been trying to find something to reverse or totally heal my TMD. It's debilitating. It's frustrating. And frankly? It hurts.

But that day, I realized, it's not going anywhere. It's something I have to deal with long-term. As much as I wish that weren't so, it is. As much as I wanted to cry, I also felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Because in the finality of realizing this is permanent, I can now move past my denial and on to finding ways of coping with my pain. I've been feeling down for so long, the idea of getting stronger and feeling better with my TMD feels like looking up at the sunlight from the bottom of a well.

It's time to try physical therapy, massage, sign language, etc. You'll probably notice that a lot of my blog entries here have been me coming to grips with the fact that this is permanent.

Some days, like today, I feel okay about it. Hopeful, even. Other days, I feel frustrated and angry.

But maybe I've been thinking about this the wrong way. Spiderman gets a nasty bite. Tony Stark survives an explosion. Black Widow must make peace with her dark past. Every superhero goes through pain and physical transformation before they become, well, super.

So maybe not being able to speak as often as I used to, or eventually not at all, is my superpower. I just haven't figured out how to use it yet.

How did you cope when you were first diagnosed with whatever it is you have? Did it take you a long time to accept it? Please feel free to use the comments here as a support group.